So why do you sing the songs you no longer want to sing.
...
...
It's been a long month, but I'm not complaining. Okay, I was complaining, but I'm not right now. This is probably because even though I had to be up at 6am for work, my hectic day is finally over and now I'm strategically placed beside a large black women, who's singing along to Adam Lambert, as we sit here getting pedicures. There's a lady siting on the opposite side of the room. This lady is eating a delicious smelling roasted chicken sandwich, and if I wasn't saving all my energy for my long drive home, I would of already catapulted my body across the room and grabbed the other half of her sandwich.
I love people watching - whether I'm at the hair salon, supermarket, in the middle of yoga class, or as I sit in the waiting room at the dentist office, I'm always very aware of the people around me. Sometimes, when I get bored and I no longer feel like texting, auto tuning my own voice on my Iphone so that I sound like a chipmunk, or searching the internet for sweet quotes to put in my blog and cute shoes to put on my feet, I find myself watching these people and trying to figure out a life for them that seems to be suiting, well, in my mind at least.
The lady that hasn't offered to share her chicken sandwich with me, regardless of me staring creepily at it for the past ten minutes, her name is Marie. Her hairs not naturally red, but if you ask her about it, she'll never admit to it. Her husband is a lawyer and although he's not around much, his choice of employment means that he can afford to send her on fancy spa days like today. She likes biking and hiking and pottery, oddly enough, but she can never find anyone to join her in any of these activities so she spends most of her days with her hair in curlers while watching soap operas at home. She lives in luxury, but without any pets and children, she's lonely. If you gave her the option, she'd give up all the pedicure days, BMW's, Tiffany bracelets and chicken sandwiches in the world without a second thought if that meant she got to spend more time with him, but that's not an option - so she would never admit to this either.
The black women belting out notes that put Adam Lambert to shame has her own story. She's a intelligent and beautiful women, and sometimes she still daydreams about that day a talent scout saw her singing and approached her to do a broadway audition. Yes, sometimes she still thinks about this day.. when she's not too busy cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking supper for her husband and two kids. She gave up the dreams she had to live the life she has now. She hates her job as a receptionist and hates her car, but she realizes that sometimes in life, you don't always get everything you want and she's thankful for the few good things and the few amazing people in her life. She always tells people to stop focusing on the past, and focus on the present, because at any moment, that's the only thing that ever matters. She hates unmotivated people, sushi, and socks that don't match. If you ever ask her what her biggest regret is, she'll say she has none - And she'll mean it.
I wonder who I'd become if I saw myself walking through the frozen vegetable isle at Superstore. I think I'd be Lexy Paige.. a name that I have always loved. I was told we had to choose a 'radio name' in college and when I told people this was the name I was leaning towards, I was convinced by my friends, family and classmates that this name was a little more porn friendly then radio friendly - I like the name nonetheless.
I'm Lexy Paige. I live in Los Angela's, in a loft. My loft is small but cozy and it has floor to ceiling windows which means the sun wakes me up every morning, but I never complain because when I look out the windows I have an ocean front view of the water. I live within walking distance to the beach and somehow I have the motivation to run along the beach every morning before work. I drive a Mitsubishi Lancer, it may not be a corvette, but I'm not that high maintenance, plus I got it painted a pretty shiny pink color that doesn't make me want to vomit when I look at it, like most pink things do. I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, we have similar goals and interests, yet enough differences so that we never get bored of each other. I work as an Entertainment Host for half of the week, my dream job that I finally landed after years of chasing after it. The other half of the week I work as a music rep where I get to discover and sign new upcoming bands. I have a small puppy - it's fluffy, but it's not yappy and annoying and it's not named Versace or Dior or anything of the sort.. in fact it's probably named after one of my favorite songs, or maybe I'll just call it Sparky or Liam.. hey, I never said I was creative when it comes to pet names. I get asked on a daily basis why I have a pornstar name if I'm not in the porn industry.. on good days I laugh and chuckle with them and smile and tell them to have a nice day. On bad days, I punch them in the face and walk away.
And then, I stop people watching for a moment, for my hair dye is now washed out and my hair has been blow dried, my weekly groceries have been cashed through, I'm done stretching and sweating at yoga, and the dentist is ready to poke and scrub at my teeth, and I come back to real life for a bit - and real life at this moment consists of me deciding on whether I want the esthetician to paint my toenails "Panda-monium Pink" "Cha-Hing Cherry" or "Dulce De Leche".. I think I'm going to go with the one that I can't pronounce.
You know what I love? When people prove me wrong. Of course I'd rather be right, but I can accept defeat if you can prove me wrong. For example, first impressions. First impressions are such a huge thing for me. I'd like to think I have pretty good radar when it comes to first impressions, but, sometimes people are having a bad week, a bad day, a bad moment, and the first impression they give off is no where near accurate of the person they are really are.
I went to a house party on Friday. I knew almost everyone in the place when a guy walked in. He had short spiky hair, a scowl on his face, and the black v neck that he was wearing showed off that he clearly spends a lot of time at the gym. He didn't introduce himself, and neither did I. First impression, probably a douchey guy that spends half of his time at the gym, and the other half thinking about the gym. and chicks. and protein shakes. I realize that that's a very generalized impression, but as they say, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's usually a duck. Or a very very impressively trained dog. Throughout the night I'd see him on and off.. the scowl he had on his face when he first walked in has disappeared, and every time I saw him he was either smiling and laughing or joking around with my friends. By the end of the night we had our first introduction and it turns out my assumption was completely off. He was very soft spoken, kinda shy, smiley and sweet. He just seemed like one of those people that you want to be around because he's such a positive and nice person. I was terribly wrong in this case, and sometimes, it's kinda nice to be wrong.
Do you remember where you were around this time last year? Around this time last year, me and Aaron were planning our trip and booking our flight to L.A, where we'd be soaking in the sun off the LA pier and waiting for the sunset. Where we'd spend the day wandering through Disney Land and Universal Studios after drinking bottomless mimosa's, and riding the same roller coaster 9 times in a row. I'm still not sure how we didn't puke, that's a lot of mimosa's. We'd be at the Jimmy Kimmel show, watching Carrie Underwood perform, and booing when Heidi and Spencer from The Hills walked onstage. We'd be at Danny's getting ready to go to the Escape The Fate concert, one of Aaron's favorite bands, and after getting invited by the band to their official 'after party', we'd end up at a three story ghetto nightclub, where we were the only white folks within a 5 block radius - oh, and the band never did end up showing up. Instead, our night took us to sketchville Los Angela's, where we stayed at a pub til the wee hours of the morning, learning how to blow smoke rings, with gummy bear flavored hookah.
Three years ago, me and Brandy were brainstorming over our "Rock Muses" idea, which we were convinced would be a revolutionary idea for the music industry. We'd spend hours a day texting and messaging each other new idea's as they passed through our minds. We both had notebooks, papers and post-its scattered throughout our rooms, filled with ideas on how and when we were going to take this all to a level, a level that no one had ever touched before - this was all happening in amongst the anticipation and excitement of October 18th to come, this was the day the reality tv show we were on, Instant Beauty Paegent, would debut.
Six years ago, I was sitting in my room, alone, where I had been for a couple weeks - I was trying to hold it together, trying to figure out why things happen the was they do. One of my closest friends in highschool had been in a car accident during lunch hour on her way back to school a couple weeks before. She had died in the hospital two days later, a concept and thought that was much too complicated and unknown for my 16 year old self to even begin to understand. A day that everything in my world changed, and would never change back - and nothing would be as safe and naive as it had been when I woke up that morning.
Today, I took the day off work. I slept in until noon. I had an hour long bubble bath while listening to a mixture of Brit Pop bands and Rise Against. When I'm finished this blog I'm going to watch Desperate Housewives with my mom, and treat myself to a Soy Green Tea Latte from Starbucks. Escape The Fate was playing here the other night and I planned to go with a girlfriend who's been in my life for much longer then Aaron ever was and make new memories to go along with the songs they sing with her. They ended up cancelling their set and not playing, and I narrowed it down to some things just aren't meant to be. I got to have a wine night with some of my closest girlfriends, and over the weekend I got to spend an entire night celebrating my friends birthday with almost all of the people who mean the most to me in my life. This week I'm going Halloween shopping, carving pumpkins, attempting to make a delicious vegan fetticini dish, having a girls night, and filling my weekend with fun Halloween festivities.
Today, I'm not thinking about being Lexy Paige. Today, I'm alright with being just Devan Rylee.
Check out two of my video's that I've made for work and lemme know what you think! If you're not following me on youtube and twitter.. whatcha waiting for?! I'm going to start answering questions on formspring as well. You can ask me anything you want, it's all anonymous.
And this is where I post a bunch of random photo's from the past few weeks, and say goodbye - until my next blog. xo
No comments:
Post a Comment