but plant your hope with good seeds, don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds.

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It's almost a new year, so I figured this called for a new blog layout! What do you think of it? You probably wouldn't of even noticed that I changed it if I wasn't writing about it. However, feel free to lie and tell me that you love it and that the contrast of colors is borderline life changing, because really, it took me way longer then it should of to figure out how to change it around when I should of been doing more productive things. I probably should of been cleaning my room, it looks like my closet ate a bad piece of pizza and vomited clothing out of it. I probably should of been microwaving my heated slippers so my feet don't freeze when I get into the vehicle I drive, which hates winter even more then I do. I probably should of been at Starbucks, stocking up on Eggnog lattes, because we all know these things are seasonal - my heart is sad about this, but my thighs say thank god. Instead, I've spent the last 36 minutes figuring out whether I wanted the borders of my blog to be salmon, or sea foam green.

I haven't blogged much lately, in fact, I haven't done much of anything lately. I blame having mono. In fact, while I've had mono, I've blamed anything that's gone wrong on having mono. I forgot to tape Grey's Anatomy - damn you mono. I got stuck on ice and ran into the car in front of me and dented my bumper - damn you mono. I almost ran over a three pedestrians on different occasions, in the same day - damn you mono!!

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What are you afraid of? Someone asked me that a few weeks ago and I had a hard time answering. I'm not afraid of much, and I feel like the things I'm afraid of aren't the things that most people are, which makes me feel like I shouldn't be afraid of them in the first place. I'm afraid of orange juice, because I know how delicious it is and how I can never resist it when it's in front of me, even though I know my throat swells to twice it's size as soon as it touches my tongue because I'm allergic to it. I'm afraid of planes in the moments we take off and the moments we land.. but never in between. I'm afraid of water, not the kind in the bathtub or the kind you drink, but the kind in the ocean. I can't swim, so maybe I'm less afraid of water and more afraid of drowning. I'm afraid of the things that live underneath everyone's beds, so I always sleep with my feet under the covers. I'm afraid of being disposable and replaceable. I'm afraid of being left behind so easily by the people I care about the most. I'm afraid of these people not thinking I'm worth making sacrifices for so that I remain in their lives.

But what are fears, anyways? Aren't they just thoughts that are over-thunk? So, when my feet get hot in the middle of the night, I close my eyes, toss my covers to the side and tell myself that the 9 legged, 6 eyed creature under my bed isn't going to snack on my little toes as a midnight snack.

I like learning lessons from people who don't realize that they're teaching one in the first place - and when I start to get worried and over think, I remember these lessons that I've been unknowingly taught. I had a friend. He was a great friend, in fact, he was my best friend. He was there when I needed him, and he was there when I thought I didn't. He taught me to always make time for the people you actually care about the most instead of trying to fill your free time with those people in your life that are only around for a good time.. not a long time. Learn to tell the difference between these two types of people. He taught me that you need to tell people how you feel about them, even if it's hard for you to muster up the words at times. They won't actually understand how much you care until they hear it from your mouth. People need to be told that they're important to you. He taught me that just because you were having a fun run of shitty people in your life, that not everyone will fit into that mold. Give people a chance before you start assuming. He taught me that marble slab ice cream makes almost everything better. It's bad for you and delightful - of course it makes you feel better. He taught me that you will meet people, very few people, but regardless, people, that will do everything to keep you in their lives - because you're not damn replaceable.

So it's that time of year that happens around the same time every year. It's Chrismastime! What do you want for Christmas? Don't get your hopes up too high though, I was just asking to be polite, because unless I win on the lotto ticket I picked up from 7-11 yesterday, I'm most likely not going to be buying you a present - sorry. My Christmas list isn't very elaborate, it never really is. I guess there's always things I wouldn't mind owning or things that I'm starting to run out of that I can put on a Christmas list. This year I didn't even make a Christmas list. This time last year I didn't have a lot to smile about. Me and my ex broke up, and the people who I thought I could count on to make everything normal again were nowhere to be found. This year hasn't been perfect either. This year more people I know have died in a matter of 6 months, then they have in my whole life. This year my health has scared me, and still scares me every day. This year I've let go of a lot of my past, and with that came letting go of a lot of people from the past that I didn't feel were worth pulling into my future. This year I've cried enough to fill a bath tub. Twice. With cold, salty tears that would make your skin dry and wrinkly if you bathed in it, so I wouldn't recommend bathing in tear water.

Wait, what was I ever talking about? Oh, Christmas. Right. Regardless of what's happen this past year, I lucked out and have met, and managed to keep, the most amazing people I could ask for in my life. The people that are in it have made any shitty day worth tackling. I've got all I want for Christmas. The people that are in my life, I would not trade for anything in the world. They, are irreplaceable.

I've been doing product reviews for my job recently - check them out! (change the setting at the bottom of the video to 480p if you're watching it on here.. otherwise it looks blurry and shitty!)