Every time I wear my hair up in a pony tail my dad tells me it reminds him of a plant. He doesn't seem to think anyone elses pony tails resemble plants, just mine. Aren't I lucky. Plants aren't totally lame though, right? I mean some are even kinda interesting.. like those ones that eat flies - so I decided I'd take it as a compliment. When he mentioned it again the other day I decided to compare it to some sort of leafy object and see if I could see the resemblance myself. Since Edmonton doesn't get summer until August and everything outside is still brown and mushy, I had to work with whatever I could find around my house. My options were limited to a bouquet of roses and a bamboo plant. I took it upon myself to compare it to the roses because 1.) roses are pretty and 2.) I'm pretty sure my bamboo plant is dead, yet I water it every few weeks anyways, you know, just in case.
I'm still not sure I'm convinced that my hair resembles anything other then.. well, hair. All I know is that it's as soft as a baby's bum, it smells fruity and girly and it's a huge pain in the ass when it gets in my face, therefore, I shall continue to wear my hair in this plant-like style so that I don't loose my mind and shave it all off. Britney Spears may of been suave enough to rock the bald head trend, but until I've been to rehab twice, made out with Madonna on live television, and got my heart broken by J to the Timblerlake, I refuse to jump on that bandwagon just yet.
I feel as though I've been neglecting my blog this past week and a half. Apparently Jen feels the same way and I am sorry.
However, I have a decent.. maybe even borderline good excuse. I was working mornings all last week. By morning I mean I would be starting work by time most people were just settling into bed. Everyday I'd plan on being in bed by 8pm and every night I'd find myself getting distracted by something less significant then sleep and falling asleep by midnight. At 3am my alarm would go off. By 3:15 I'd contemplate ending my life. By 3:18 I'd be getting over the pity party that I was throwing for myself. By 4am I'd be eating BBQ chicken for breakfast which I made the night before. By 5am I'd be remembering why I really do love my job and what I do. By 11am I'd be curled back in bed ready to nap until the Tyra Banks show was about to come on.
By the end of the week I had a pretty solid routine down and I was really loving working these odd hour shifts for some reason. I liked that nobody was on the road and I could go as fast or as slow as I desired without anyone tailgating me or pulling me over. I liked that I could drive in the right lane, the left lane, or in between the two lanes and nobody would pass me and give me a dirty look. I liked that nobody in their right mind was awake at these hours to text or call and distract me so I just relaxed and took the time to enjoy the drive - it's funny what you notice when there's nothing else to do during a 40 minute drive.
I noticed that my car doesn't have a clock in it. I usually have my cell phone glued to my hand. I check the time on it every 5 minutes with hopes that it's actually only been 2 minutes because if it's been more then that means I'm either getting a speeding ticket today or I'm going to be late - as always. I mean I don't drive a Lexus or anything but my cars not a total piece of shit, so why does it not have a clock in it? Isn't that some sorta hazard? That's almost like selling someone a car with only three tires - clocks are necessary! And why have I not noticed this in the 4 years that I've had this car? I noticed that the new Kleenex I bought smells like Hershey Kisses. At first it's pretty mind blowing and awesome, all I wanted to do was blow my nose, but trust me, after the dozenth time you kind of get weirded out by the idea of putting something up your nose that'd usually go in your mouth.
I noticed how many bunnies dart across the road at 4am in the morning and that it's easy to confuse anything smaller then a tree as a bunny at such an early hour. Every day I dodged real bunnies and way more paper bags, plastic bags, large leaves, and pop bottles then I care to admit, thinking that they were bunnies. At one point I had myself convinced that a shredded tire on the side of a road was a bunny, but whatever, I bet whoever lost it at least had a clock in their car. I also noticed how judgemental I am in the wee hours of the morning. Every other car that was on the road I decided was being driven by someone wasted outta their minds and trying to get home from the bar in one piece, or was someone having some sort of raunchy love affair and was trying to get in the door before their wife or husband noticed they weren't in bed - but in the end who am I to judge, I almost hit the ditch and a parked car trying to save the life of a paper bag.
Have you ever noticed that things come in groups of 3's in life? Good things, bad things and those other things that fall somewhere between both spectrums. Within three days, three ex boyfriends touched base with me.. half of me thinks they secretly know each other and planned this to fuck with my head. I could definitely have worse ex's. One invited me to his birthday. One invited me out for coffee. One just texted me completely out of the blue. I've actually kept on good terms with almost every guy I've dated. I haven't really dated a lot. I'm super picky with who I date. All the guys I've dated have become my best friends so it just seems to make sense that after we're both done hurting that we can be friends again. I've always had very solid priorities in my life and a boyfriend was just never one of them. When I finally stopped being stubborn and insisting I enjoyed being alone better, I realized how much I actually love being in a realationship. I've lucked into some great relationships and somedays I miss everything that comes along with being in one - I always had my freedom and own life in these relationships so I felt like I had the best of both worlds. I never wanted to be that girl who lost her friends, family and self and allowed their world to revolved around their boyfriend because let's face it, when that boy breaks your heart, your 'girls' have long moved on and aren't gunna give a shit about the tears your crying. I don't want to be friends with girls that are willing to give up everyone that's been there for them, so I'm not. I didn't want to be that girl myself, so I've never been.
Through the guys that I've dated and just met over the past few years and looking at other peoples relationships, I've definitely narrowed down what I want and what would never be acceptable. As much as I love being in a relationship, I would never just settle. I would never date someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Some people I know are in such strange and unhealthy relationships - at least that's how I see it. It's surprising how many guys are so controlling and how many girls just accept it. I was talking with a girlfriend the other day about a guy that she's been on and off with for years now. They've never actually dated. In fact they've never actually even been 'seeing' each other, yet he has her wrapped around his finger. He treats her like shit. He's completely and utterly disrespectful in the way he talks to her. He tells her she looks like shit, is shit, and talks shit about her to everyone around him. The other day he told her she should start tanning because she'd look better. I asked when she could hang out this week and she said any day after 1:30 - she had already made tanning appointments everyday at this time. A year ago she loved her pale, flawless, gorgeous skin color and always joked around with me when I'd go tanning saying it was silly and that she'd never get hooked on the hype. He makes her feel insecure and useless - because she's allowed him to see her that way.
When it's all said and done is it even this guys fault? Meh. She had years to set him straight but now too much time has passed. Why would he even bother changing when she's already let him know that it's acceptable to treat her like this by going back to him at the end of every fight. People get to choose their own lives. They choose who they are and who they want to be with. All I can speak for is myself when I say Id rather be alone. I'd ather be completely and utterly alone. I'd rather be that crazy cat lady with 12 furry felines and hating my life because I'm deathly allergic to cats then just settle for someone who just doesn't give a shit.
I want someone who smiles and laughs almost as much as I do. I want someone who doesn't carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. I want someone who loves travelling. I want someone confident, but not cocky. I want someone secure - secure enough to be cool with all my guy friends - secure enough to be comfortable around my girl friends. I want someone with his own life. I want someone who can hang out in my world, and I can hang out in his. I don't want any coke heads - EVER. I want someone outgoing but doesn't crave being the center of attention. I want somone who loves my best friends and family - they're pretty lovable so it shouldn't be hard. I want someone who doesn't get stressed over everything. I want someone who's just as willing to stay in and watch movies as he is for a night out. I want someone who's down for completely and utterly random adventures and random roadtrips. I want someone who will sit in my backyard for an owl stakeout with me and try and catch the apparent owl we have living back there. I want someone who will bake cupcakes with me and not complain about it. I want someone who doesn't drink his nights away. I want someone who's witty and smart and can throw my sarcasm back at me as quickly as I dish it out. I want someone who has realistic ambitions and plans and crazy dreams. I want someone who supports my crazy dreams. I want someone who I can trust. Someone who doesn't question everything I do because he knows I'd never do anything to hurt him. I want someone who will sit around with me and take cutesy and obnoxious pictures and make everyone else a tiny bit jealous.
I want someone goofy and fun and can put a perma grin on my face by just being around. I don't want someone who's so damaged from his past and from life that it's like fighting a war to try and get him to let his guard down. I don't want someone moody or someone who gets angry easily - because I don't. I want someone who's not tied down to living in Edmonton for the rest of their lives, because I'm won't be. I don't want someone perfect, because I'm not. Perfection is strange and unrealistic and doesn't last - ever. I want someone who's made his mistakes, and doesn't want to make them again. I want someone who gives me butterflies - because anything less then butterflies is settling.
It's nice to have people come along and experience things with you but I learnt the hard way a long time ago that if you sit around waiting for other people to fit you into their schedules you end up missing out on life. It's okay to do things alone. Sometimes you have to do things alone, and that's something I've become okay with doing the past couple of years. Last year I went to see a band called A Day To Remember in concert. I fell in love with them. I couldn't make it to the show in Edmonton but I got guestlisted for the one in Calgary thanks to a rad boy that I know. I didn't know anybody who could get off work or wanted to drive the three hours to Calgary with me so I hoped in my car and had a mini road trip of my own and met up with one of my friends who I haven't seen in a while once I got there. We grabbed drinks, put our party hats on and got to hang out on stage for some of the show. Definite success. Getting up at 7am the next morning to drive home for a photoshoot was less of a succes. I may or may not of had a nap in the A&W parking lot in Red Deer. It happens.
There's a few strange and random and possibly awesome job opportunites that have come out of no where this past week. Just like anything in life, they're uncertain. I'm not sure anything will come from any of them - but possibilities are always better then nothing. Me and my best friend Brittney have a few photoshoots lined up over the next couple of months - I don't want to say much more than that the risk of jinxing something. The result could be something amazing and life changing and the worst case scenerio is me and my bestie get to spend extra time together during the shoots and have a blast - neither of those sound too bad to me.
Here's a few shots from the shoot we did with my close friend Calvin Wallace. If you haven't heard of him, check out his work here. He rules.
(click on pictures to see full image cuz blogger sucks and is gunna cut half of them off haha!)
Love your session with Calvin! Fantastic! Added you on Twitter, too!
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