sometimes you have to take a couple steps back in order to move forward.
I'm getting a massage right now. You're probably wondering how I'm getting a massage and blogging at the same time, aren't you? Okay, I lied, I'm not exactly blogging, at least not at my computer. I always find myself writing a 'rough draft' of my blogs in my head at the most inconvenient times and in the most inconvenient places. In line at the bank, during step class at the gym.. while trying to decide between red and yellow peppers at the supermarket... and right now - I find this is the only way I can remember all the important details from all the random shit that goes on in my life on a weekly basis. For example, right now I'm getting a massage from a gentleman named Javier. He speaks Spanish, Portugal, and about 9 words of English. He has 5 1/2 children. I'm going to assume he means he has a stepchild and not half of a kid - but who knows. He has his massage license in the United States but not in Canada. This didn't worry me until he mentioned the half child thing which makes me hope that it wasn't a full child before Javier gave it a massage - I'm determined to come back to Edmonton in one piece. I'm afraid to ask anything more after that answer so that's all you get. Every time he starts working on the right side of my shoulder I flinch because it hurts. A lot. I pulled a muscle last week while carrying home 30 pounds of groceries that are still sitting untouched in Maegen's fridge. It was an expensive and bad idea. Right now it feels like there's an army of tiny elves dancing on my back, kicking me and digging their pointy heels into my muscles. Fuck you, tiny dancers.. fuck you.
And now I'm on a plane. I'm actually typing this out now, I promise. I'm on my way home from Toronto. I guess you could say I went there looking for answers to some things but once I got there I found myself with a question that became much more important then the original questions I had. 9 days later I'm still no closer to a satisfying answer, so I'll ask it one last time.. Toronto, WHY, do you sell your milk in plastic bags? It's kinda weird and I don't like it.
I got stuck sitting next to an emergency exit on the plane. When the flight attendant sat me here she basically told me that the lives of the other passengers were in my hands and that if something were to happen where we needed to use the exit that I'd be responsible for opening it and leading everyone to safety. Saving 150 peoples lives are some big shoes to fill so I figured today's the day that I should probably pay attention to her as she goes through the safety procedures before we take off. I tried to pay attention, I really did.. but as per usual I got distracted by things arguably less important then saving people's lives. I got distracted by trying to figure out why my skin is melting off my body onto the leather seat that I'm sitting in, why the 76th season of Survivor is the only thing playing on the TV right now, why there is more then one person on the flight wearing socks with sandals and why the child across the isle dressed in a furry neon pink one piece suit with matching hat and mittens is screaming at the top of her lungs. I'll give the child the benefit of the doubt because if I looked like a bottle of peptol bismol threw up on me I'm sure I'd be screaming too, but come on West Jet.. Survivor? REALLY? The flight attendant's glaring at me. I think she knows that I didn't pay attention to anything that she just said. I'm pretty sure I also just saw her say a quick prayer that I won't need to open the emergency exit during this flight.. because I think we both realize that if that happens then we're all going to die.
The past nine days in Toronto were interesting. It felt like the longest and shortest vacation of my life and because of that I'm having a hard time trying to describe any of it.
I'm in between trying to figure out if what I love doing is possible to be made into a career. In a perfect world I would be able to walk into Much Music or MTV, hand them my demo and resume.. and land a hosting job on the spot. Or an editing job. Or a writing job. I don't even care which, I love them all equally. Unfortunately the world is no where near perfect and there's security cameras, metal fences and restraining orders that stop people from doing that. Whenever people tell me that they don't know what they want to do with their lives, I tell them to write down all of the things they are passionate about on a piece of paper, because doesn't everybody want a job that relates to what makes them happy? I can make my own list in a heart beat.
I love entertainment. I love interviewing people. I love editing. I love traveling. I love live music. I love being introduced to new music and new bands. I love videography. I love writing. I love blogging. I love random adventures. I love fashion. I love learning and doing new things. I know exactly what I love and I know what kinda of career I want to have, but right now I'm torn between what dreams of mine are possible to turn into reality, and what dreams of mine will simply remain a dream. I believe you should go after what you love no matter what. I've never given up on something that I've wanted in my entire life, so why would I start now? But how many years do you give yourself to chase after something that has no guarantee? I think it's different for everyone but I'm having a hard time figuring out what's right for me and a harder time thinking about the possibility of not being able what I enjoy doing for the rest of my life.
I went down to Toronto with questions, hopes, demo's, resumes, a few good luck charms, my own charm, and apparently a leaky container of shampoo as all of the above was soaked with minty fresh bubbles by time I opened up my suitcase.
I crammed as much work and play into the week and a half in T-dot as I could. I hung out with my rad producer and director friends to help cast actors for the new Jesse Labelle music video. If any of you had a crush on every boy band heart throb like I did when I was 16, you may recognize him from the band "I.D". All you need to know is that he's really good, people have actually been dubbing him the next John Mayer. And he has dimples. I'm such a sucker for dimples. I went to a taping of MTV Live where they made fun of Edmonton for 5 solid minutes thanks to us being in the audience. I stared creepily at the hosts the whole time in awe and envy over the fact that they get to do a job like that every day of their life. I got rad fake 3-D obnoxiously cute nails put on which resulted in me slicing my contact in half while trying to put it in my eye and almost losing my eyeball.
I was re-united with "Bulldog coffee" which I believe may be some peoples sole reason for moving to Toronto because it's that amazing. I was re-united with some of my favorite people -which may be other peoples sole reason for moving to Toronto because they're that amazing. My friend from Faber Drive hooked me up with guestlist to their show in Hamilton with Hedley. Did you know every street in Hamilton is a one way? Did you also know that they have a giant mountain in the middle of the city that's next to impossible to get down from once you get to the top of? Yeah, neither did we. After getting lost driving up and around the mountain for an hour we got to the venue and channeled our love for pop punk boys while they put on a killer show as always.
We hung out on Chat Roulette one night for 5 hours which was a mixture of of traumatizing.. and mind blowing. If you don't know what Chat Roulette is, get up from that rock you're living under and google it. And then try it. We hit up an "All you can eat meat" restaurant where hot Brazilian guys feed you 16 different types of seasoned and sauced meats off a stick.. which sounds a lot dirtier then it actually is. It was delicious. I went to a taping of the Steve and Chris show which consists of two adorabley witty gay guys that give you trendy fashion, decorating, and cooking tips and almost replaced my Adam Lambert crush - but not quite. I did a bunch of other random things while I was there but I'll spare you the details of what I ate for breakfast to what time I went to bed each night.
My friends band came through town Saturday night and regardless of how jet lagged and exhausted I was, I was so stoked to finally get to see them play live. If you haven't heard of them, then you have now - Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Amazing band, amazing guys - it's not often you find both. They moved into my place for the night and we had a Jonas Brothers sing along and a gourmet breakfast that I wish I could take credit for making. They're back on the road now, chasing their dreams, one kilometer at a time in their band van. Literally one kilometer at a time, the van moves pretty slowly.
I have such respect for people who do what they need to do to be able to keep doing what they're passionate about. Looking at them makes me realize that no matter what I choose to do in life, whether I keep truckin' along for a bit longer and trying to make it in this career, or whether I end up going back to school for some 9-5 job, I'll never just give up. Whether it's a full time job, or just a part time hobby, I'll always continue doing what I love. There's never a time frame - you don't just wake up one day and stop loving something. And maybe if I'm lucky, one day when I wake up from a deep sleep these won't just be dreams anymore.
I may not of found the answers I was looking for in Toronto but I had a great trip regardless. I'll find those answers eventually, and maybe, just maybe, someday I'll even figure out the questionable milk in plastic bags thing as well.
Now, check out the amazing private performance the boys did for me in my basement to earn their stay at my house!
I can't believe she gave you the job of saving hundreds of people! Don't you think that should be HER job??! Haha. She's the one making money.
ReplyDelete