Yeah he's a looker, but I really think it's guts that matter most.

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, its better to be absolutely ridiculous then absolutely boring.

I just ate 63 grapes. I know this because I counted. I grabbed a huge bowl that's usually meant for buttery and seasoned popcorn and filled it to the brim with grapes. I sat there staring at the dozens and dozens of grapes and thought "grapes, i'm probably going to blog about you at some point this week so I might as well count you as I eat you!!" and so I did.

Whoever said too much of a good thing is bad clearly hasn't eaten their body weight in grapes and felt like a million bucks like I do at this moment.

It's almost Valentines Day - a day where everyone who's single become significantly more bitter over the fact that they're gunna spend the day drowning their sorrows with chocolate kisses and those who are in relationships get to rub it in all us bitter folks faces. To be honest I've never been one to make a big deal about Valentines Day. Ok sure, I may give the fluffy red and pink life sized stuffed animals a second glance at Wal-mart as they stare at me with their droopy, huge, button shaped eyes. Maaaaybe when I pass by the heart shaped boxes complete with 30 different gooey centered chocolates I think about how it may be nice to spend the day with someone who knows that I love the caramel and peanut butter filled ones and hate the ones with fruit and hazlenut fillings. I let that daydream last for a minute or two - someday I'll have that but it won't be this Valentines Day.. and I'm ok with that. Instead, I booked a reservation for my best friend and I for dinner. Our night will be spent wearing frilley dresses, munching on chicken thai salad and sipping lycee flavored martinis - you can't tell me it gets much better than that.

So, if you don't have someone who you're in love with, go spend it with someone that you love. And if you are dead set on sulking on your couch with sappy movies, wishing the hershey kisses in your hand were real kisses on your mouth, do yourself a favour and at least get the caramel filled ones. The caramel will help the taste of self pity go down easier.

I truly do have wonderful friends. Wonderful and ridiculous friends that can make me smile when it's the last thing I feel like doing. Sometimes I think I may of lost my mind by now without Ryan in my life. Sometimes I think he's going to be the reason that I end up losing my mind. Either way he never seizes to be able to make me feel worth more then a diamond ring every time I'm feeling down.

He's the type of guy who's shown up at my house with a 2L of marble slab ice cream when I needed some sugar therapy, a stuff animal as big as me when I needed to hug something that night, drove 8 hours with me to see my best friend when I missed her more then anything and has spent countless hours late at night giving me words of wisdom and advice that I know I should listen to yet never will.

I came home last week and found a huge box wrapped in cupcake wrapping paper waiting for me. Most people I know are aware of my complete and utter obsession with cupcakes. I opened up the box and found my belated birthday present from him.

Inside was 12 bottles of Jones root beer. It wasn't just any root beer though. He had gotten it specially ordered with a picture of us on the front of each bottle and a little paragraph was inscribed on the back. Inside was a note that explained why he got this for me ;

" I remember you telling me that somehow root beer could instantly make any bad day turn into a good one for you. There's 12 bottles in the box and it has to last you the rest of the year - so, guess this means you're only allowed one bad day a month. "

On the back it says..

"Friendship with Devan is like trying to jump onto a moving train, if you slip once, she's gone. If you jump on at just the right moment, you'll be with her for the rest of your life. This train is heading through some dark tunnels, but there's always going to be a light at the end."

I'm still smiling over this. I'm just waiting for my bad day this month so I can drink one. Don't get me wrong though bad day, don't come any sooner then you need to!

I'm not a morning person. Anything before 11am is too early for me. So on Saturday mornings when my alarm goes off at 6am for work it's inevitable that I'm going to arrive at work fashionably late - only I usually show up in sweatpants and a hat which makes me less fashionable and moreso just.. late. Last saturday I woke up extra early determined to be on time, maybe even 5 minutes early! Coffee, cell phone, hat and out the door I go. It was foggy out. Really fuckin' foggy. So foggy that I couldn't see my car from my front door. Thankfully the walk from my door to car is one that I've done for so many years and I could do it with my eyes closed if I needed to. I hit the highway and prepped myself for the foggy 45 minute drive to work. The drive, much like the walk from my front door, could easily be done after being spun around 10 times and then blindfolded. I've done the same drive for the past 12 years. It's the longest I've ever taken the same road to get to where I need to go. This is very unsatisfying to me.

My life has been so crazy and random and exciting and nonstop for the past three years. Right now it's at a complete and utter standstill. This needs to change - I will make sure this changes. It's time to get back onto a road where there's different curves in the road, where there's paths that I don't know exist and where there's lights I haven't timed out to the second when they will change from green to red. It's time for me to go in a direction where I need to keep my eyes wide open.

I don't know where this new road will take me, it's an unfamiliar route. Maybe it'll lead me to the front of the MTV Studios where I will be offered my dream job. Or maybe it'll take me to another country where I'll work towards solving world hunger. Or maybe it'll stop in front of an ice cream parlour where I can grab a chocolate mint cone and be on my way. Wherever this paths going to take me, I sure hope it's somewhere good.

Anyways good news is I got to work 10 minutes early. Bad news is I sat there waiting for 3o minutes for someone to call in so we could do our routine set up. Nothin'. Figured they're probably just hungover and running late themselves.. as usual. An hour in something tells me to check the schedule. Everybody had the day off. No one scheduled to work. Fail. Giant fail.

I went back to the parking lot and noticed a girl walking towards the ticket dispenser to pay for her ticket. My ticket was still good for another 8 hours so I ran up to her and asked if she wanted it. She had a look of shock on her face but she was smiling. I knew it would only save her a couple of bucks but for all I know that few dollars she'd be saving would buy her lunch and coffee today. Or it could be the last few dollars she needed to pay her rent on time. Or perhaps she was just happy that I was running up to her to give her a ticket and not a black eye. All I know is I felt damn good about it. Got back in car. Coffee, cell phone, hat and back on the foggy highway I went.

If you haven't gone to my formspring yet... do it. It's where you can ask me anything that you've ever wanted to know. Anonymously. I've had some really interesting questions, ones that make me actually have to think before I answer them. I love that. I will answer them all soon. Promise.

http://www.formspring.me/devanrylee