I'll never ask for anyone, but you.

"Just because she smiles, doesn't mean she's happy. She smiles because she's hopeful, she has faith & she's strong."

Whenever I start to write a blog, I always have a clear idea of what I want to blog about. This is the first time I'm attempting to.. well, just write, about whatever's going on in my pretty little pint sized head. I'll warn you in advance, there's a lot, and I'll apologize in advance if it's messier and more jumbled then normal. Sometimes you need to let your head get a little jumbled and messy to realize that you have some sorting out to do.

To find ourselves, we must first lose ourslves.

I'm in love with so many places in the word. There's cities, and countries, but I always feel a bigger connection with things like small diners, and tea shops and certain rooms in the homes of people I love. I'm in love with the the feeling of comfort. I'm positive it's one of the top feelings out there, as it takes a lot to make a person feel it. There's one room that I miss terribly. It has dim lighting, and red walls, and there's Christmas lights hanging over the bathroom, which I may never of understood, yet always enjoyed. It's cluttered, yet spacious, and there's every color of plaid shirt thrown across the floor. The air is always cold, borderline freezing, but under the covers I always felt warm, and safe. I spent a lot of time there. Comfort.

How to Be Alone,

Remember that at any given moment,

There are a thousand things

You can love

Dorthy said it best of all though, out of all the places in the world, there's no place like home. I'm curled up in my bedroom right now. As curled up as is possible that is, to still be typing on my laptop. My entire room is lit by candles. None of them compliment each others smell, yet it somehow works. There's vanilla, and gingerbread, and mulberry. Mulberry confuses me, because it smells like a flower, yet sounds like it should be a fruit. I like it, whatever it is.

I miss my apartment in Chicago. When the leaves start to fall out here, and the weather starts to feel chilly and windy and you can smell that summer won't be back for another 9 months, I miss Chicago. I always had a candle lit in my apartment. It smelled like cupcakes, and when it'd be down to the last bit of the wick, I'd take a bus all the way downtown to get another of the exact same candle. It never crossed my mind to pick up two at the same time, so that I wouldn't have to take that long, dreaded ride downtown, but now that I think about it, I never actually dreaded that ride, and I think that I sort of looked forward to it. The top of the candle was covered with sprinkles that would burn away like the rest of the candle once you lit it. My roommate tried eating some of the sprinkles once. They were made out of wax. I feel like this was one of those 'if it seems too good to be true, it most likely is' situations.

I used to hate candles. People that didn't know me well would always buy me candles for my birthday and Christmas and random holidays. I'd either throw them out, or re-gift them to someone who could appreciate them. It wasn't that I didn't want to like them, but I'm terrified of fire, and the thought of having to be within a few inches of a tiny flame was more then my anxious little heart could handle. I still panic for a second when I flick the switch on the lighter these days - but I do it anyways. I have a feeling that that's some sort of strange metaphor for my life, right there.

Life. At any given moment, it feels like my own life and everyone around me's life is being thrown around, upside down, tied in a knot and then scattered on the ground. I realize I just rhymed right here. That was bad. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. This blog is really just going to be filled with apologizes for my gibberish.

Looking at my own life, and the people around me, I debate if we ever really figure it out. If life ever gets normal, simple, and people are every genuinely happy for longer then a moment. Maybe we just let things upset us too easily, and people disappoint us too quickly. What I have learnt, is that we need to make ourselves happy, before we let someone else make us happy. You can't solely rely on another person to make you happy, because if for some reason they walk away.. you're.. for lack of better words, fucked.

We let other people affect us too much. Sometime's you need to let go, and sometime's it's hard.

Move along.

Move along, move along, move along. Isn't that an All American Rejects song? We hold on to the past so often that we miss out on everything good that's right in front of us, and forget to live in the present and move towards the future.

We all know this,

yet we do it anyways.

Don't let being damaged be the reason that you miss out on being happy.

Smile. Smile even when you feel sad. Laugh. Over little things. Giggle, chuckle, smirk, and laugh. Cry. Happy Tears. Sad ones. More happy ones then sad ones, though. Tell people what they mean to you. Give someone a chance. Make someone else smile. Make today the day that you do all the things that you planned to put off until tomorrow. Have faith. Have trust. Get hurt. Move on. Learn. Love again. Let go. Give up. Cross something off your bucket list. Cross everything off your bucket list. Pick up your phone and make a call. Make a new bucket list. Jump into something headfirst. Not literally. Forgive. Forget. Regret. Live with it. Move on. Remind someone you care. Let go if you don't. Stay in bed all day. Stay up all night. Watch the sun rise. Watch it set. Start over. Give someone a chance. Turn a bad day into a good one. Love.

Live. Live. Live,

Start now.