Even the beautiful lose control.

When you're driving, do you ever feel like you can't breathe?

Like even though you know that there's enough oxygen in your car, you still feel like you're going to run out of air. Right then and there, with Adam Lambert's voice warbling out of your car stereo, stuck between a semi big enough to make you feel clastrophobic and a junky pick up missing half of it's bumper. What a way to die.

It was -20C out today and I had to roll down the window for the hour long drive to work. I figured it'd be better to catch a cold then suffocate in my car from all my thoughts, fears, confusion, memories and dreams pouring into my car, taking up the extra air I undoubtedly needed to make it to work alive. I guess you can say I have a lot on my mind lately.

I hate how whenever I try to switch the c.d in my car I always swerve all over the road. It could be the clearest road conditions or the brightest day. I could be feeling as stable as I need to, to believe that this is going to be the time I can change my c.d without side swiping the car beside me. It's never that day though. Regardless of all these ideal conditions, as soon as I'm ready to change it, I'm still all over the place. Maybe that's a metaphor for something in my life, or maybe I just have bad balance and shaky hands. When this happened today, like every other day, the person who's driving beside me sped up and passed me out of fear and glared into my window out of curiosity.. They probably expected to see some sleezy, wasted looking bum who's too drunk to focus on the lines of the road. Sorry to disappoint, it's just little old me in sweat pants with no makeup on. I mean it IS 8am, what did you expect? Who gets drunk at 8am anyways. Hungover, maybe. Drunk? Naaaahhh.

Life's funny. Change is scary.. strange. It happens so fast. I hate that. One day you have someone who you text all throughout your day, keeping you sane during your long, boring hours of work. For whatever reason, it's impossible to get sick of the texts, calls and messages from them. No matter how short, silly, or unimportant the underlying message of it is, no matter what it says, knowing that they're thinking about you at that very moment is enough to make you smile. Yeah, change is funny. Funny how in a matter of a day that person who has that uncanny ability to make you smile and your heart pound by getting a simple text from them drifts away before you know what's happening. They never lose the ability to give you butterflies when they text you now, but it's not the same. You get butterflies because you have absolutely no idea how the conversation will end this time. Before, it was acknowledged that they'd text you again in a matter of hours, as soon as you've popped into their head again, just because they wanted to remind you that they were thinking of you. Psh, who are we kidding, you were in their head all day, but everybody's fingers need a bit of a break. These texts are different now. It's all small talk. How was your day/weekend/life..did you get that hair cut I remember you talking about? You want to say so much more. You want to have a real conversation and ask the questions you actually care about the answers to. It's only a matter of time before the small talk ends. You end your text with a period. There's no more insignificant questions to ask. That's the end of the conversation. Even if you do pop into their head, there won't be another text. Not tonight at least. Until next time. I want to text you that I miss you. I can't though, because I'm absolutely terrified that without a question mark at the end, you won't feel the need to respond to it. I'm scared that you don't miss me too.

I'll leave you with this - I was trying to find my cell phone and while rummaging around through my coat pocket I found some rice krispie squares that I grabbed from Britt's house about two weeks ago. I'm not sure why I haven't eaten them yet, I guess I just forgot about them. I've always had a hard time getting rid of things, you never know when you're going to need them. I suppose I have a hard time letting things go. What if I accidently hit the ditch one day, changing my Adam Lambert c.d to my AFI one, completely unharmed of course. What if I get hungry as I wait for the tow truck to come and get me. Maybe Ill even share one with the tow truck driver, you know, in appreciation for getting me out of the ditch. Yeah, maybe I'll leave them in my pocket for a while longer, just in case. Or maybe I'll take a chance and throw them out tomorrow, you know, just let whatever happens, happen. Deal with it when I get there.Yeah maybe I'll throw them out. Realistically, it'll just depend how close a garbage can is to me when I start pondering over this again..

Just came across these pictures from the summer. I think it's safe to say a friend will let you crash on their couch for a night or two when you need to. I think it's also safe to say that you gotta cherish the people who will let you crash at their place for two weeks and give you an extra set of keys to their house and trust you not to burn down their place when they haveta go away for business. Not sure if I ever gave you a proper thank you, you know, besides not burning down your house... love you meg <3

P.S song of the moment. go listen to it! no idea who this singer is - don't care - its a great song!